The 'how' of getting from here to there has always befuddled me.
I am really good with following directions. (Not driving directions. I'm not good at that at all!) I LOVE a list. TELL me what to do and I'll do it. I'm willing to do the work.
But figuring out the process - all the little steps along the way to reach that goal, that dream. Well, there's a blank space in my mind where knowledge should be.
It may have something to do with being a spatial thinker. I see the BIG picture. It's all the little steps along the way that elude me.
It's really the process that has eluded me my entire life. How exactly does one get their book published? There's a bigillion steps in between writing the book and getting it published. And my head swims as I read articles and posts and books on getting your book published. I've attended workshops. I've taken classes. And it still seems daunting to me. I know TONS of people who have books published. It's easier than ever now with self publishing.
And that's just one example. So what do they know that I don't? Or do I just lack confidence? Or do I lack discipline? Or is my brain wired differently???
I've written dozens of articles and had a few published. But some people do this for a living! The whole check-out- the-magazine- and- find- out- their- writing -style and do- that- thing absolutely swamps my mind. I mean I just SHUT DOWN! And that Query letter? Frozen. Absolutely frozen. Because they impress upon you that you have ONE chance to get in their face. Cue perfectionism! And if you can't be perfect, you don't do it at all.
Now I know that once you figure out the process, it gets easier. So if I got into the habit of sending out query letters and had some success, it would not be so difficult.
It's so much more work than I ever realized! It absolutely doesn't happen by magic! Wave that sparkly magic wand and TADA! I'm published!
Nope. It's easier to sit down and write than to find a publication that matches my writing. Or the other way around. Research is hard work. Writing is hard work. Getting a website up and running is hard work.
And the artist in me has overtaken my brain. Because my brain can't seem to focus on one thing.
I've always said that I was whole brained - equal parts left brain and right brain. Left brain for linear and analytical thought. I've been an Administrative Assistant, an Insurance Agent; I've raised kids, been a Brownie Leader, was a preschool teacher. Each of these requires linear thinking because there are steps to each one. I am (or was) a linear thinker.
But my daughter says that I am totally in my right brain now. Right brain is the intuitive, thoughtful side. Imagination, Art. All the things that I am mired in now.
She's right. All I want to do is create. I purchased a Cricut Maker so I could make leather earrings and beautiful greeting cards and lovely stencils. I want to paint large colorful works of art. I am learning a technique for alcohol ink paintings.
I write - a lot. Blogs, journals, children's books. The left side of my brain no longer wants to function.
Recently, my daughter, Ashley, has been spoon-feeding me to get my Italian Grandmama's Guide website off the ground.
After we planned to spend an evening together working on the website, my daughter sent me an email with a list :
Can you please have ready:
1. Bio (about me)
2. What you want on your main page
3. What you want your subpages to be
4. Any pictures you want on the page
5. What you want on your shop page
6. Any graphics that you want to use (do you have a logo?)
Have I mentioned that I LOVE lists! I am a chronic list maker! The difference between my list and my daughter's list is that my list is a hodge podge of everything that needs to be done in every area of my life. And her lists are specific to a topic. And THAT's what I need!
So that evening I said, Oh! If you could send me a list everyday! It would be so helpful!
I didn't really expect her to do this.
The next morning when I opened my inbox, another list awaited me!
Good Morning-
· Finish what was not completed yesterday
· Sunday night between 6pm and 8pm is when people are on social media the most. Start to think about what you want to promote.
· Make a list of all the blog topics you want to write about
· Spend at least an hour on your book
Every morning she sends me a list of things to do that day that pertain to getting my website up and running and my Italian Grandmama's Guide live. Yes! I can do this!
But without these lists, I wouldn't know which to do first. My brain becomes befuddled as each task struggles for priority. And it's exhausting! Which do I do first? What's the most important thing? (I should qualify here that I am capable of choosing priorities when I am working for someone else and work well independently.) That's not the kind of priority I'm talking about. I'm talking about the BIG picture. My personal financial success. My business success. My success at becoming an author, of getting my brand - The Italian Grandmama's Guide - off the ground. So Ashley's lists help me focus and not waste my energy thinking!
Ashley sees all the steps that need to happen along the way. She has an amazing business mind! And she can break it down for me. Her mind just naturally and easily does that. So not only does she know this information but she communicates it in such a way that I get it! She KNOWS what is a priority. I have no idea how she knows this! I think it's her gift. One of her many gifts.
As a little girl, she loved lists and schedules. Each morning I would make a schedule for her -
7:00 get up
7:30 eat breakfast;
7:45 get dressed
8:00 leave for school.
She thrived on this! And now she is helping me set a schedule! Schedules are good. Priorities are good.
Yesterday I spent a few hours with my husband trying to figure out how to upload a document into google docs. Hours! Then I talked to my daughter. She said, "Go here, go there, click this." And there it was. It took her all of one minute.
Another day I spent a few hours working on icons for my website. A few hours! This stuff doesn't come easily to me.
Even as an Insurance Agent, there were some things that were so difficult and required so much mental energy to process that my head would hurt! Sometimes I felt like I was banging my head against the wall.
And underneath of it, I feel envy for people that process comes easily to - like my daughter. I believe I would be successful now if only my brain processed information more easily. My books and articles would be published. I've watched so many people reach MY goals before me! They have figured it out!
I wonder if other people have a secret that I don't have and that's why I have not had financial success. What's the matter with me?
Even when I considered myself "whole brained" I didn't learn things deeply. I didn't delve into any one subject so deeply that I became an expert at it.
Barbara Sher coined the term "scanners" for people like me. We are interested in everything, intelligent and easily bored. Once we have mastered a subject to our standards, we move on. While others are practicing the piano hours a day or honing their art, scanners have moved on to the next thing. We do many things well. We may not do everything great.
Sometimes that means not feeling confident enough in my piano skills to play to an audience. It means that I have to own the choices that I've made. Do I want to spend time each day learning the ukuele (my latest instrument)? Am I willing to work at oil painting until I become proficient? Each of these requires attention to detail, time, energy. I want to do them all! But I don't want to choose just one!
So I feel shame. Because sometimes I feel not very smart. (And what if my daughter finds out how much I DON'T know??) I know that's not true. I know I'm smart. But when I'm in the middle of figuring out this computer stuff that comes easily to others, I feel very incompetent. And my head hurts and I want to go and make a collage instead of working on the computer!
But this whole process thing....baby steps. I need to stop beating myself up for not knowing what I don't know.
I have figured out a great MANY things! How to live with a paraplegic, how to be a preschool teacher, how to be a cosmetologist. How to raise 3 healthy kids who are productive members of society.
I need to be patient with the process. Because my process is not the same as your process. And process is also creativity.
While I still envy the business mind my daughter has, my boundless creativity is the envy of others.
I need to look at that underlying belief - that I can't and they can. That they know something I don't. That there's something wrong with me.
And for things that are difficult for me, I can hire someone. Like my daughter.
