The accident happened. Four years ago. And our lives changed drastically.
How do we cope? It's not always easy. We have many times when we feel like giving up. When we're angry that the accident happened. When we are angry with God. But we wake up each day and while enjoying our morning coffee, we pray together. We begin with gratitude, for waking up - not a given! For food, a warm bed, for another day with each other.
Then we start the day off with intention. And ask, "What is God's will for us today?" And we listen.
And we take our feelings to God, throughout the day. An ongoing dialogue. We tell Him how hard it is; we tell him our worries, our pain, our sadness. How we thought Arthur would be healed by now. That a miracle would happen. We pray for strength for another day. I hate to pray for patience - because surely I will be given opportunities to practice patience! But it's something I need.
Our lives have slowed down. And maybe that was God's intention. Stop being a busy bee and just BE. Because of the paraplegia, we spend a lot more time together than we did before. We are not both running off in other directions.
It's hard. Every day has its challenges. We are both exhausted, him with the business of moving dead weight from the bed to the wheelchair and back again. Me with taking care of Arthur, myself, our home and working. He does what he can, but his personal needs take up a large part of his time and energy.
Energy is portioned out. Bowel Training can take 1.5 hours and be so draining. A quick shower is not a quick shower and requires a mindset, put it on the daily list and plan it. Everything is orchestrated, planned.
Very few things are spontaneous unless they involve staying home. And so we invite friends into our home because it's easier than going out.
Even planned things don't always happen. The day we are going to our granddaughter's birthday may be the day he wakes up with a fever, a UTI or slept fitfully and just doesn't have the energy to go.
A few days ago he woke up with a headache, exhausted and stayed in bed the entire day. This is not how he used to be at all! And he hates it. He doesn't like being sick; who would?
So we begin each day with intention, asking what God's Will is for us each day. And for the power to carry that out. And we hope our will aligns with His will. That's the challenge, isn't it? Acceptance. Accepting God's Will for our lives. Because this surely isn't what we would have planned! I don't think God planned it either.
But it 's our reality. And we both want to make the best of it. So if there's a lesson to be learned, or a way we can help others, then Use me God. Use me.
Angela DiCicco
8/8/19
Labels: acceptance, coping, God, low energy, paraplegia, paraplegic, prayer, wheelchair